KIBANO SOMALIA

Askari wa Jumuia ya Ulaya wakionyesha manjonjo yao ya jinsi ya kupambana na wasomali wanaoteka meli katika bahari ya deep nje ya Afrika Mashariki majuzi. Jamaa wama vifaa si mchezo lakini wanaogopa wasomali.

WIVU WA OBAMA

Obama ana wivu kama mswahili yaani alipogundua Berlusconi wa Italy kiwembe akawa anazuia mkewe asikumbatiwe!!! Jama hajazoea salamu za mikono.

1 . If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2 . Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian . Think about it .

3 . Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the Admiration!

4 . Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude . Keep on rocking!

5 . Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6 . He was a good man .. He never smoked, drank had no affair . When he died,the insurance company refused the claim . They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7 . A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles . He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!


8 . So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!

9 . Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest has girlfriends!


10 . All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or Married to someone else!

11 . 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving .
This makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

FUTARI

Kinamama wakiandaa futari katika moja ya mitaa ya mji wa Songea, ramadhanio ndio inakaribia kwisha sasa duh!!! wengine wakirejea, Inshaallah!

JAMANI MAMBO

ALMASI

Wananchi wakijaribu kupata almasi katika machimbo mapya yaliyoko Ng'wanangwa wilayani Misungwi mkoa wa Mwanza. basi sikia ikikutwa nyingi kama mwekezaji hajanunua eneo!!

KITUKO



Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally
dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the
table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife,
Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff
hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeffwent to the kitchen to get some refreshments, Sandy followed him and asked,

"Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did."

She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested.

She told him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house

around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the
$100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and
then Jeff left.


Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff comes by
this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied,
"Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave
asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought,
'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said,
"Yes, he did give me $100.."

"Good" Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and
borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our
house on his way home and pay me back.

My friend It's so good to have a friend you can
trust.

DANITOONS

SAFARI LOLIONDO

Kukosekana hewani ni kutokana na matatizo ya mitandao na mawasiliano nchini kwani wilaya ya Loliondo ni kugumu kichizi lakini nimerejea vyema baada ya kukutanana wamasai wa huko.

ABRAMOVICH NDANI YA BONGO

MMILIKI wa Klabu ya soka ya Chelsea, inayoshiriki katika ligi kuu ya Uingereza, Roman Abramovich ametua mkoani Kilimanjaro kwa ajili ya kupanda Mlima Kilimanjaro.
Abramovich, ambaye ni tajiri wa Kirusi atakuwepo nchini hadi Septemba 11, mwaka huu atakapoondoka kurudi Uingereza anakoishi.
Tajiri huyo wa klabu ya Chelsea alikuja jana saa 1 jioni akiwa na watu 6 na amefikia katika Hoteli ya River Trees Country Inn, iliyopo eneo la USA River nje kidogo ya Mji wa Arusha ambayo hivi sasa haruhusiwi mtu mwingine kuingia katika hoteli hiyo.
Meneja wa Uwanja wa ndege wa Kimataifa wa Kilimanjaro (KIA) ,Said Mzava jana jioni alisema Abramovic amefurahi kufika Tanzania kuona mlima Kilimanjoro na vivutio vingine vya utalii.
Huku akiwa analindwa na walinzi watatu, Abramovich alikataa kuzungumza na vyombo vya habari akisema kuwa amechoka anahitaji kupumzika.
Abramovich ambaye amekuja na ndege yake binafsi aina ya Boeing 767, pia alikutana na kusalimiana na Naibu Waziri wa Viwanda na Biashara nchini, Cyril Chami aliyekuwepo uwanjani hapo kwa shughuli zake binafsi.

Wanaosadikiwa kufanyiza Temeke NMB hawa hapa akiwemo mjeshi mmoja sijui ndio mtaalamu wa milipuko? Halafu bongo bwana mtu na pingu anamkwanja mkononi!!

This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing.. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister? [Give this some thought before you answer]

HASHEEM LIVE ON CHANNEL 5 (EATv)

Ule wakati wa Hasheem kukutana na tolu mwingine wa Bongo uliwadia jana jioni alipokwenda kwenye kitpindi cha B Connekted cha Channel 5 na ilikuwa bomba sana!!!

MPITA NJIA

Hi,

I have been reading your blog now for quite some time and would like to say I truly enjoy it. I was wondering if you could help us plug in our movie ( Baby Powder) that is coming out November of this year.We have a few teasers on you tube, but our offical preview should be out in less than a week. We just finished shooting it in Atlanta, Georgia and want to push it in theaters in Tanzania. We have some thing called a fusion in this film. Most characters are from back home, however, we have a few characters from Kenya and the US. I think the story will move any individual that will get a chance to see this film.Its based on a true story and its got a very good message that many of us back home will gladly embrace. I am one of the producers of the above film and I go by the name Abdallah Mustsfa. Please dont hesitate to e-mail me if you got any question or need anymore info. Thank you Abdallah

CHADEMA MAMBO!!

Zitto afafanua hamu ya kumg'oa Mbowe Chadema

NAIBU katibu mkuu wa Chadema, Zitto Kabwe amesema ana sababu za msingi za kuamua kuuwania uenyekiti wa chama hicho, huku mwenyekiti wake Freeman Mbowe akimkaribisha katika kinyang'anyiro hicho.

Zitto, ambaye yuko nchini Ujerumani kikazi, aliiambia Mwananchi jana kwamba, ameamua kuingia katika kinyang’anyiro cha uenyekiti kupambana na Mbowe kwa lengo la kuandaa chama kuchukua dola.

Lakini Mbowe, ambaye uongozi wake umeifanya Chadema kuwa tishio kwa chama tawala na upinzani, alisema anamkaribisha mwanasiasa huyo kijana katika kuwania nafasi hiyo, akisema uamuzi huo ni haki ya kila mwanachama wa chama hicho kugombea nafasi yoyote kama ana sifa.
“Sina mengi ya kusema; kama alivyosema Dk Slaa (Willibrod) kila mwanachama anaruhusiwa kugombea nafasi yoyote, hivyo sina tatizo na Zitto kuwania nafasi hiyo,” alisema Mbowe.

Zitto, ambaye ameibukia kuwa mwanasiasa maarufu mwenye uwezo wa kujenga hoja, alisema anatambua kazi nzuri ambayo Mbowe ameifanya katika chama, lakini akaongeza kuwa, uamuzi wa kupambana naye unalenga kukiandaa chama kuchukua dola katika chaguzi zijazo.

“Ninajua kazi ambayo Mwenyekiti Mbowe kaifanya kwenye chama. Ni kazi kubwa sana na hata mimi kuwepo kwangu katika siasa, Mbowe amechangia sana, alisema Zitto ambaye kwa sasa ana umri wa miaka 32.

“(Mbowe) Ni kiongozi ninayemheshimu na kwa kweli anakipenda sana chama na amejitolea sana kwa ajili ya chama.”

Hata hivyo, Zitto, ambaye aliwahi kukaririwa akisema nia yake siku moja ni kushika nafasi ya juu ya uongozi katika nchi akimaanisha urais, alisema ni lazima chama kionekane sasa kipo tayari kuchukua dola.

“Mbowe ni kiongozi mzuri sana wa chama ambacho kipo katika siasa za upinzani. Watanzania sasa ni lazima wapewe sera mbadala za kuonyesha kuwa tunaweza kutawala. Jambo la msingi kuliko vyote ni kuona chama kinabaki kimoja na imara. Hili ndilo lengo langu,” alisema.

Mbunge huyo wa Kigoma Kaskazini ambaye alijiunga na Chadema akiwa na umri wa miaka 16, alisema ingawa katika uongozi wa Mbowe amekuwa na mafanikio, chama hicho kimekuwa katika hali ya kufukuza wanachama.

“Tumefukuza sana wanachama. Haiwezekani tukajenga chama cha kufukuzana tu. Ni lazima tukubali kutokubaliana,” alisema.

“Kugombea kwangu ni wito wa kurejesha umoja katika chama wakati tunajiandaa kuchukua dola. Uchaguzi Mkuu wa 2010 utakuwa wa kihistoria kwa kuwa kwa uzoefu wangu unaweza kulazimisha serikali kuundwa na waziri mkuu ambaye hatoki CCM. Hatuwezi kwenda huko tukiwa divided (tumegawanyika).”

Akielezea mafanikio ya Mbowe, Zitto alisema mwenyekiti huyo ameiwezesha Chadema kutoka kupata asilimia tatu ya kura katika uchaguzi wa mwaka 2000 mpaka asilimia 8 mwaka 2005.

“Tunamshukuru kwa kukiimarisha chama chetu. Sasa ni wakati wa chama kuelekea kushika dola. Lazima kukiandaa chama kushika dola,” alisema Zitto.

“Hiyo ndio kazi ambayo nimeombwa kuifanya na wana-Chadema mikoani na wilayani. Hii ndio kazi ambayo kwa moyo mzito nimekubali kuifanya.”

HASHEEM NA BASKET YA BONGO

Hasheem anachengua baada ya kucheza katika bonanza la timu yake ya University Outsiders hadi watoto nao wameanza kuonyesha vipaji vyao, nadhani umewavuta wengi na kikapu utakuwa juu baada ya hapa!!